Families and marriages in particular are imperfect. Of course they are; they're made up of us. But there is a certain beauty to families that weather the storms and stay togehter. There's a glory, an honor about a family that stays together.
My grandmother was married to an attractive, selfish, utterly successful adventurer who took her to southeast Asia and later had her return to Europe with 6 children to raise them while he continued business in Asia. She was not pampered by her husband; she seemed more to be his hired wife. But she made the most of it, never complaining, but thriving in the little world that was in her hands. And now, in her late 80s, she has the respect and honor of her children and their children for how she bore the load and never considered divorce an option.
I told her once how much I respect her for never quitting on a terrifically difficult marriage. And she simply said, "No. You know, [divorce] is just something you don't do." And this commitment of hers left an imprint on her 6 children: no divorces and no talk, ever, of such a thing.
This afternoon we have an interesting family over for lunch. Watching the parents and the three children interact around our small garage-sale-bought table, I felt a certain awe at the simplicity of what a family can be. This family is by no means perfect or spectacular. The father is a rather awkward physicist who will never hope to be the center of attention, while the wife has a genuine interest in everyone and everything around her. I know they struggle in their marriage, since he tends to be so controlling, and she struggles to keep up her spirits under his control. (He even gives orders about when to pass food around the table and when not to.) Yet their family is a FAMILY, and even though there are various hurts, you can tell that the children feel secure in the structure of their home.
After lunch we marched over to the nearby park and played soccer in the muddy grass, while the father read a book on a bench. His wife tied her frizzy hair back and played as good a soccer game as her energetic, healthily competitive 7 year old. I loved that scene: watching a woman who has had 15 years of difficulty with a very strange/remarkable man (think "A Beautiful Mind") playing soccer and laughing heartily when she'd miss or make a goal. She has been faithful to her role as mother and wife, and it is a testimony to us and her children that marriage is a commitment, not a feel-good activity for how ever long the feelings last.
My own mother has endured over a quarter-century with a good, successful, yet very self-focused man. His affair with another woman this summer was assumed by the rest of us to be the straw that would break the camel's back. But instead, my gentle (rather emotional) mother came into a new strength and declared that she would stay in the marriage, but that my father would be free to leave if he so chose. We children had little hope that he would stay, but by grace (God Almighty's grace), my father stayed, and their marriage is healing and growing stronger.
My mother-in-law is a remarkable woman in a different way. She has been married many years to a fantastic, loving man. But she too has been stretched to be a faithful support to him. When she was in her early 20s, they moved into the jungle, where she raised 3 blonde cuties, without her mother and friends to help her and visit her. She has remained a beautiful woman, gracious, intelligent, healthy, fit, well-mannered, caring and fun. I -and others who meet this veteran missionary wife- admire her and are encouraged by her life.
I am young and married to a truly excellent man; I know I have been given much, and I can only pray for extraordinary strength and joyful faith to follow this extraordinary man. May we who are wives never consider divorce an option (unless the man refuses to live any longer with us). May we seek to be gracious, supportive, creative and beautiful, whatever our simple circumstances (like my mother-in-law and grandmother have been). May we decide today to remain faithful mothers and wives, even if when we imagine that life would be so much easier and freer away from marriage.
The sermon at church was on divorce today. Check out www.desiringgod.org for archived sermons on the subject of marriage, divorce, etc.
It is so utterly weird you have the same unsual name as my friend and speak of Borneo where we use to live....I think you have a twin somewhere in CO!:)
Posted by: Rhonda | April 20, 2006 at 05:00 AM